I might have another world.

​


I'm the type of person who likes to create my own world.


It doesn't have to be a real world, or even have a clear shape. Sometimes it's just an idea in my head, a character I imagine, a scenario I live out, or even just a moment when I'm alone and immersed in something I love.


Sometimes I like to film myself.


Not so anyone can see me, or because there has to be something specific I want to convey. I just love the idea of ​​being in front of the camera and starting to live the moment as if it were a scene.


Sometimes I'm a character.


Sometimes I'm a completely different person.


And sometimes I don't even know who I'm supposed to be.


I might start with something very simple, and then suddenly everything changes.


What if this happens?


What if she says this?


What if the other person suddenly walks in?


What if, instead of ending there, the situation continues?


And I start building.


Characters, situations, dialogues, little details that have no relation to reality at all.


And sometimes I laugh at something that didn't even happen.


And sometimes I get upset about a situation I experienced.


And sometimes I have a whole conversation in my head, and then I snap back to reality and remember I was actually sitting alone.


Maybe that's what I like most about it.


That I can start from nothing and come up with something complete.


For example, right now I might be sitting alone, watching a gaming stream and I'm relaxed. I hear the person talking, I laugh along, I get caught up in the situation, and I feel like I'm in the mood without even realizing it.


Something very simple might make me laugh.


Maybe it's the way they talk.


Maybe it's something that happened in the game.


Maybe it's a passing comment.


But then my mind takes that thing and goes somewhere else.


And suddenly I find myself imagining a completely different situation.


Different characters.


A different place.


And sometimes a character who's nothing like me at all.


I become bolder, more spontaneous, I say things I don't usually say, and I act in a way that someone who knows me in real life might find surprising and say:


"Her?" Impossible.


But is it really impossible?


I don't know.


Because sometimes I feel that the character I create in my imagination isn't completely foreign to me.


Maybe it's a part of me, but it doesn't get a chance to manifest in reality.


Maybe I really have a lot inside me, but not everything comes out.


In reality, I think a lot.


Before I speak.


Before I express myself.


Before I laugh sometimes.


I might even think about the feelings themselves before I allow myself to experience them.


But in the other world?


I don't know.


There, things just happen naturally.


I can laugh without thinking about whether I'm laughing too much.


I can get angry without trying to calm myself down.


I can cry without asking myself why I'm crying.


I can be sensitive.


I can be strong.


I can be a character I don't even know.


And I think movies and TV series play a big part in that.


I'm very, very sensitive when it comes to emotions.


Maybe more than I should be.


If I see a character happy, I'm happy with them.


If I see them sad, I get sad too.


If they break down, I feel like something breaks with me.


And if they start to cry…


I usually cry with them right away.


And sometimes I stop the movie and say to myself:


"Why am I crying? It's just a movie."


But I keep watching.


And then another scene comes on.


And I get even more affected.


Maybe it's because I don't just see the characters as characters.


I try to understand them.


I think about what they were feeling.


What they wanted to say but didn't.


Why did they stop talking?


Why did they laugh at that moment?


What might have happened if they had responded differently?


And sometimes, even after the movie ends, the story doesn't end for me.


I keep thinking about it.


I imagine another ending.


Another situation.


A dialogue that didn't happen.


Maybe a character didn't die.


Maybe someone said what they were supposed to say.


Maybe two people made up.


Maybe the whole ending was different.


And sometimes I add myself to the scene unintentionally.


Not necessarily as my real self.


A second version of me.


A version that might act differently.


Maybe enter the conversation.


Maybe stay silent.


Maybe walk away.


Maybe say one sentence and change everything.


And sometimes I don't even have an ending.


I leave the scene open.


Because maybe what I like isn't reaching the end at all.


Maybe I like being able to start from any point and continue in my own way.


And that's where I started to wonder:


Is this just imagination?


Or do I really have another world I return to whenever I need space to be myself?


And is the character I become there different from me?


And it's not me… but without all the constraints I live with here?


I don't have a clear answer.


Maybe I don't even want an answer.


Maybe it's enough for me to have a place where I can be anything.


I sit alone.


I play something I love.


I get into a movie.


I watch a stream.


I laugh.


I imagine.


And sometimes, suddenly, I'm somewhere I don't know how I got there.


Someone is in front of me.


A conversation has started.


And a scene is waiting for me to finish it.


And me? Finish it.

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