Learning How to Exist in a World I Didn’t Create…

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Living in the outside world means learning a lot.

How to deal with people.

How to understand different personalities.

How to set boundaries.

How to trust.

How to adapt.

There are kind people, difficult people, dishonest people, two-faced people, and so many different personalities that I can’t expect myself to understand everyone from the first conversation.

Sometimes, understanding someone takes time.

It takes sitting with them.

Talking to them.

Seeing how they react to different situations.

Maybe even seeing them almost every day.

It’s a little like learning how to understand a child for the first time. You don’t know everything about them immediately. You learn them through time, through experience, and through the way they respond to things.

I think trust works the same way.

I don’t give trust easily anymore.

Trust takes time.

It takes experiences, situations, and consistency.

I don’t think trust should be something that is automatically given the first time you meet someone.

It should be earned.

But I don’t think I have to change myself to fit into the world either.

There was a time when I thought changing myself was something I had to do.

I thought maybe I needed to change so people would accept me.

Now I see it differently.

If I change, I want to change for myself.

I want to become better for myself.

I want to improve because I am the person who will live with every decision I make.

Not because someone else wants me to become a different person.

Adapting, to me, is something different.

It means accepting that some days will be easy.

Some days will be difficult.

Some days will be boring.

And some days will simply not go the way I want them to.

I don’t have to change who I am because of that.

I just have to learn how to live through it.

I also don’t think I need to understand every person I meet.

There are quiet people.

Loud people.

Kind people.

Difficult people.

Arrogant people.

Mysterious people.

And everything in between.

My first response is not always to understand them.

My first response is to have boundaries.

These are my boundaries.

Whoever you are, you can know them.

If you’re kind, you will understand them.

If you’re difficult, you will understand them.

If you’re close to me or far away from me, the boundaries are still there.

And if someone chooses to cross them, then I know I need to be careful.

Maybe that’s part of learning how to live in this world.

Knowing that I don’t have to understand everyone to know how to deal with them.

For me, coexistence can also be something very simple.

Sometimes I wake up and my mood is terrible.

On those days, I have to recognize that.

I have to accept that I’m not in the best mood.

Maybe I need to be quiet.

Maybe I need to spend some time alone.

Maybe I need to think before I speak because I don’t want my mood to make me say something hurtful or something I will regret later.

That’s also part of coexistence.

Sometimes it’s not about dealing with another person.

Sometimes it’s about learning how to exist with yourself on a difficult day without letting that difficulty hurt someone else.

I’ve also changed the way I give people chances.

I don’t give chances as easily as I used to.

After everything I’ve experienced and all the situations I’ve been through, I don’t trust people automatically anymore.

Sometimes, from the very first conversation, I get a feeling about someone.

Maybe it’s intuition.

Maybe it’s something God has given me.

But sometimes I can tell that this is someone I can give a chance to.

And sometimes I know that I shouldn’t.

Maybe they could hurt me.

Maybe they could take advantage of my trust.

Or maybe they could give something back and deserve a chance.

But I don’t give chances blindly anymore.

I pay attention first.

And then there is the question of whether I want people to understand me.

Honestly, I’m still between two sides.

One side of me says:

People need to understand me so that dealing with them can be easier.

If they understand me, they will know how to approach me and how to deal with me.

But another side of me says:

Maybe nobody really needs to understand me.

I understand myself.

I know my personality.

I know my nature.

I know who I am.

And maybe that’s enough.

Those two sides of me are still fighting sometimes.

And I don’t have a final answer yet.

But there is one thing I know for sure.

I don’t want the outside world to take things away from me.

I don’t want anyone to take my inner world.

I don’t want anyone to take my kindness.

I don’t want anyone to take the child inside me.

I don’t want to lose my quietness.

My laughter.

My weird moments.

My crazy moments.

The version of me that sometimes acts like a little child crying because someone took her favorite toy.

All of those versions are still me.

And I don’t want the outside world to make me lose them.

Maybe that’s one of the biggest things I’m still learning.

How to live in the outside world without letting it take away the things that make me who I am.

I want to learn how to live here with more peace.

More calm.

More stillness.

I want to look around and actually see things.

The dirt can be beautiful.

The houses can be beautiful.

Cars can be beautiful.

People can be beautiful.

Trees can be beautiful.

The sun can be beautiful.

The weather can be beautiful.

Everything can have something beautiful in it if I allow myself to see it.

Maybe learning how to live in this world doesn’t mean understanding everything about it.

Maybe it means learning how to accept it.

To explore it.

To experience it.

To learn from it.

And to find peace while I’m doing it.

I don’t want to live inside my own world forever.

My inner world belongs to me.

It is my safe place.

But the outside world is where I live.

And I want to learn how to be part of it without losing myself.

Maybe I’m still learning how to exist in a world I didn’t create.

And maybe that’s okay.