The Life I Want to Live…..

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After everything I’ve learned about the world, the people around me, and the places where I do and don’t feel like I belong, I started thinking about something different.

Not where I want to be.

Not who I want around me.

But what kind of life I actually want to live.

When I imagine my life, the first thing I see is peace.

A place that feels calm.

A place filled with positivity, happiness, and light.

I imagine waking up in the morning with the sunlight filling the house.

I feel energetic.

Positive.

Happy.

Maybe I’m sitting with my cat, holding a cup of cappuccino, looking out at the garden outside my house.

I can hear the cars going by.

I can hear the birds.

I can feel the wind playing with my hair.

And for a moment, everything feels simple.

Sometimes I would have breakfast at home.

Sometimes I wouldn’t feel like eating at home, so I’d get ready, take my car, say my morning prayers, and go have breakfast somewhere outside before going to work.

Nothing extraordinary.

Just a simple life.

A peaceful life.

A quiet life.

A life with optimism.

I don’t think the life I want has to be either a huge life full of achievements or a simple life with nothing happening.

I want both.

I think every person wants to accomplish something in their life.

Maybe it’s marriage.

Maybe children.

Maybe finishing their education.

Maybe getting a job.

Maybe traveling.

Maybe starting a business.

Everyone has something they hope to achieve.

And I don’t think that’s strange at all.

For me, I want a life that is comfortable and peaceful, but I also want goals.

I want something to work toward.

Something that makes me feel like I’m moving forward.

Because I’ve experienced what it feels like to have too much empty time.

And honestly, emptiness can be exhausting.

When there is nothing to do, your mind starts going places you don’t necessarily want it to go.

You start thinking about things that already happened.

You start asking:

Why did that happen?

Why did I do that?

What if?

Why?

And then the hours pass.

And nothing changes.

That’s why I don’t want a life that is just empty space.

I want things in my life.

Education.

Work.

Hobbies.

Gaming.

Movies.

Series.

Writing.

Travel.

New experiences.

People I care about.

And time that belongs only to me.

I need all of these things.

Not because every single thing has to be productive.

But because I need to feel like I’m living.

I want to keep learning.

Maybe learn a new language.

Learn a new skill.

Learn how to communicate better.

Learn something I’ve never tried before.

There is always something new to discover.

I don’t want to sit still and let life pass by me.

And there is one thing I know I can’t live without.

Me.

Not just the person everyone sees.

Me.

I can’t imagine a life where I lose myself somewhere along the way.

I need to have myself with me.

My thoughts.

My personality.

My inner world.

My little things.

My own space.

I don’t really separate the things I want from the things I need as much as people might expect.

For me, they all come back to the same thing.

I want peace.

I want calm.

I want reassurance.

I want positivity.

I want to be able to think about my present and my future without constantly being pulled back into my past.

There are things that happened before.

And maybe they will always be part of my story.

But I don’t want to live there anymore.

At some point, I need to say:

Stop.

This is the present.

This is where I am now.

And this is where I’m going.

I also want education and work to be part of my life.

Both of them matter to me.

I want the certificate.

I want to continue my education because I want to learn.

I want to discover things I didn’t know before.

I want to open my mind to ideas and experiences that weren’t part of my life before.

I want to keep expanding my understanding of the world.

And yes, I want the financial side too.

Money matters.

It’s part of life.

For me, education and money aren’t two completely separate things.

They can lead into each other.

I study.

I learn.

I work hard.

I gain knowledge and qualifications.

And those things can open the door to financial stability.

So I don’t want to pretend that money doesn’t matter.

It does.

But I also don’t want money to be the only reason I do something.

I want to know that I worked for something, learned something, and built something for myself.

And then there are my hobbies.

I want them there too.

Writing is one of them.

There was a time when I was embarrassed to write about what I felt.

I thought maybe I shouldn’t put those things into words.

So I stopped.

But keeping everything inside became exhausting.

Eventually, I came back to writing.

And now it feels normal.

It feels like me.

So why would I stop there?

Why couldn’t gaming be part of my life too?

Or movies?

Or series?

Or anything else that makes me happy?

If I ever had to choose between the life I want and the things I love, I honestly don’t think I could choose.

I want both.

Or nothing.

I don’t want to remove something that makes me feel like myself just because it doesn’t fit someone else’s idea of a meaningful life.

I also don’t think I want my life to be completely planned.

But I don’t want it to be completely random either.

I want both.

I want a system.

A direction.

One, two, three, four.

I want to know where I’m going and what I’m working toward.

But I also want space between those plans.

Space for something unexpected.

Space for life to surprise me.

Maybe the plan tells me where I’m going.

And the space between the plans lets me actually live.

There are also things I know I don’t want in my future.

I don’t want to return to the same circle I was in before.

Not the same patterns.

Not the same way of dealing with people.

Not the same version of myself that accepted things simply because I didn’t know how to say no.

My experiences have taught me boundaries.

They taught me what works for me.

What doesn’t.

What is appropriate.

What isn’t.

And I don’t want to forget those lessons.

I want to move forward with them.

Not carrying the past everywhere I go, but carrying what I learned from it.

When I think about my future, I also know that I don’t actually know what it will look like.

I don’t know what will happen tomorrow.

I don’t know what will happen next year.

And I don’t think I’m supposed to know everything.

I can work with what I have.

I can do what I can.

I can work toward what I want.

And then I leave the rest to God.

My future is in His hands.

My destiny was written before I was even born.

So I will do what I can with what is available to me, and I will leave what I cannot control to God.

Maybe that’s where peace comes from.

Knowing that I have a role to play, but I don’t have to control everything.

And I don’t think the person I am today has to stay exactly the same forever.

I’m happy with who I am now, thank God.

But if the future gives me the chance to become better, I welcome that.

Give me an update.

Make me better.

Make me wiser.

Make me stronger.

Make me more useful to myself and to the people around me.

I don’t want change just for the sake of change.

I want positive change.

The kind that adds something to my life.

If I could remove the fear of failure and the fear of people’s opinions, I think I would dream even bigger.

I want to become an excellent professional.

I want to be socially confident.

I want to continue my education, maybe all the way to a PhD.

I want to reach a place in life where I don’t constantly think about what people will say about me.

Where I don’t measure my decisions through other people’s opinions.

Where I can live comfortably with myself and with the choices I make.

Of course, everything is still a matter of destiny.

And I know that.

But dreaming doesn’t hurt.

Maybe dreams are one of the things that keep us moving.

And maybe, at the end of everything, the life I want isn’t really measured by how much I achieved.

Maybe it’s measured by how I feel when I look back at the life I lived.

If one day I can say:

I am satisfied with myself.

My conscience is at peace with me.

And I am at peace with my conscience.

God is pleased with me.

And my mother is proud of me.

Then maybe I will finally be able to say:

Yes.

This is the life I wanted to live.

Not because everything went exactly according to plan.

Not because I got everything I wanted.

Not because my life was perfect.

But because before I made the important choices in my life, I was at peace with them.

I was satisfied with what I was doing.

And I knew I was living a life that felt right to me.

Maybe that’s the life I want.

A peaceful life.

A meaningful life.

A life with goals and hobbies.

A life with work and learning.

A life with laughter and quiet mornings.

A life with plans and unexpected moments.

A life where I keep growing without losing myself.

A life where I can look at the person I’ve become and still recognize her.

And maybe, after everything I’ve learned about the world outside my head, I’m finally learning something else.

Not just how to find my place in the world.

But how to build a life that feels like home.

If life isn’t something we discover already made, but something we build day by day, then I know what I want to start building now.

My self respect.

My confidence in myself.

My personal strength.

And above all, my reliance on God.

Then, on my own decisions.

Because I don’t know what tomorrow will bring.

I don’t know exactly where life will take me.

But I know that I can keep building.

One decision.

One step.

One day at a time.

And maybe that’s enough for now.

To be continued…………