The World Outside My Head…

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Hi , After spending so much time inside my own world, I started wondering about the world outside my head.

When I step into the real world, the first thing I notice is style.

Very, very quickly.

Someone could say something that is completely unorganized, complicated, or even not the best thing to say, but if their style is respectful, thoughtful, and precise, I notice that first.

The way someone speaks matters to me.

The choice of words. The way they express themselves. Whether their words have meaning behind them. Whether they speak with respect or with arrogance.

I notice all of it.

Of course, I notice other things too.

Sounds. Places. Small details. The atmosphere around me.

But if I had to choose one thing I notice the most, it would always be style.

And honestly, I find beauty in almost everything.

There isn’t always something that is simply beautiful or ugly to me. People like different things. Some people love cold weather, while others can’t stand it. I happen to love hot weather.

Maybe that’s one of the things I like about myself.

I can find something to enjoy in many different things.

The world outside my head is also a mix.

Sometimes it’s easy.

Sometimes it’s difficult.

Sometimes it’s simple, and sometimes it’s extremely complicated.

It depends on the situation, and maybe it also depends on who I am at that point in my life.

I’ve changed in that way.

I used to think that the easy way was always better.

Now, I sometimes prefer the difficult way.

Because when I work hard for something, when I take the harder road to reach it, I feel like what I finally get will stay with me.

The easy thing might come and go easily.

But the difficult thing carries the effort I put into reaching it.

And maybe that is what makes it feel more valuable to me.

There are also small things in everyday life that can completely change my mood.

Video games.

Movies.

Series.

Anything that catches my attention completely can pull me into another place for a while.

Things that bother me are actually rare.

Unless they come from people who are close to me.

One thing I am still trying to work on, though, is my relationship with the past.

There are people who are very attached to the future.

I think I can be very attached to the past.

And I’ve started realizing that I don’t want to spend so much time there that I forget to actually live in the present.

If I’m here now, I want to be here.

Not somewhere that already happened.

Because I don’t want to miss the present while holding on too tightly to the past.

And even though I live in the real world, I still prefer my own world.

Maybe because of the experiences I’ve had.

Maybe because of the situations I’ve been through.

But my own world feels safer for my peace of mind.

It’s my space.

It’s where I can be myself without having to explain everything.

And somehow, the outside world still finds its way into that space.

A character from a game.

A scene from a movie.

A character from a series.

A certain story.

Sometimes I become very attached to a character or an idea, and I don’t even completely know why.

Maybe it’s connected to a feeling.

Maybe it’s connected to something from my past.

Maybe I just see something in that character that speaks to me.

Whatever the reason, I take those things and create something of my own inside my world.

The real world gives me inspiration.

And then my imagination takes it somewhere else.

There is also something I wish people understood about me.

Respect.

The way I treat people is a reflection of the respect I have for myself and for them.

I don’t like arrogance.

I don’t like a way of speaking that makes someone feel smaller or takes away from their place.

If I’m speaking to someone, I want to treat them with respect and appreciation.

So when someone treats me in a way that puts me down or makes me feel less than them, I immediately notice it.

And I don’t feel comfortable with it.

Maybe what I want people to understand is simple:

The respect I give you is also the respect I expect to receive.

I also know that I have many versions of myself.

A kind version.

A sad version.

A crazy version.

A playful version.

A little child version.

And many others.

But that doesn’t mean I am different people.

In the real world, I am one person.

One personality.

But inside my own world, I can be many characters.

I can explore different sides of myself without having to choose only one.

Maybe that’s another reason why my inner world feels so natural to me.

The outside world has taught me things too.

One of the biggest things it taught me was not to trust too easily.

Not to raise my expectations of everyone.

Not to make myself easy to predict.

The world taught me that I have to pay attention.

I have to learn people.

I have to understand that not everyone will have the same intentions, the same values, or the same way of treating others.

And maybe I learned that not because I wanted to, but because life showed me.

Still, I don’t want to stay inside my own world forever.

I want to explore.

I want to learn.

I want to experience.

Like Snow White stepping into a world she doesn’t completely know, I want to discover the people around me and learn how to deal with all the different personalities I might meet.

The kind ones.

The difficult ones.

The complicated ones.

The people I understand.

And the people I don’t.

I want to learn how to live in the outside world without losing the world that belongs to me.

Because my inner world is mine.

It belongs to me.

It belongs to Jamilah.

But the outside world is different.

And I know that I can’t stay inside forever.

I have to learn how to exist here too.

How to coexist.

How to become an active part of this world while still keeping a part of myself untouched.

Maybe that’s what I’m doing now.

Exploring.

Learning.

Trying.

And slowly discovering

The world outside my head .